


Take Me Back to Hell

by LarGibbon



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Drama, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Lucifer, Hurt Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Loss of Trust, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) is Bad at Feelings, POV Chloe Decker, POV Lucifer, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:35:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22794106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarGibbon/pseuds/LarGibbon
Summary: Take me back to hell through the eyes of Chloe and LuciferOr Chloe and Lucifer are secretly perfect for each other and they decide to be angsty instead of admitting it.
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 4
Kudos: 66





	Take Me Back to Hell

**Author's Note:**

> MIND THE TAGS - Suicide attempt warning 
> 
> This might be a little overprotective of y’all but I’d hate for anything I write to actually hurt someone so just a heads up:
> 
> The suicide attempt is in the actual show already and literally Fox felt it was fine for general audiences. But! I did explore those thoughts a little more seriously through the characters’ eyes, which might make reading this slightly more difficult than watching the episode. If you are at all sensitive to suicidal themes, just be careful. 🖤
> 
> Just to clarify, I don’t encourage or glorify suicide in any of my writing, including this work. Also I don’t like keeping characters unhappy so I can never go full angst... only like 99%.

Well this was just lovely. He scanned his brain for any worse feeling in his infinitely long history of very bad feelings and came up empty.

Yes, Heaven had been suffocating. Even God’s favorite son wasn’t good enough to measure up to all the rules and expectations and power trips.

And falling, of course, was worse. Out of the frying pan, as they say. As misunderstood and stifled as he’d felt in heaven, he’d never felt as utterly alone as he did that day. At least, not until... but we’ll get to that.

“Falling” was a convenient way to put it in the first place. Guess whose idea that was. In truth, Father had personally  thrown him out, discarded him without a second thought, without mercy, and not one of his siblings - nor even mum - had been there to catch him. 

Hell was just as lonely and boring as heaven, except now he knew who his friends were. Or weren’t. So when Lilith joined him, introducing him to the deliciously dark and twisted qualities of humanity as he introduced her to the creative possibilities in hell, he was inspired to see her home town for himself.

Earth was... well, damn it, it  _was_ good.Far be it from him to agree with Dad but with one minor tweak, this place actually had quite a lot of potential.All it needed was someone to deal with that issue of free will, the one thing his control-freak of a Father could never master.

Well and when he inspired the fall of man, he fell even further. Not as grand a fall as his first, mind, but it hurt - as always - like hell.So once again finding himself alone in hell with no ally or sympathetic ear, he climbed his way back up again and again, each time inevitably hurled back into hell, unknowingly practicing for an even grander fall which no one - especially he - could have ever dreamed possible.

It was worth it, generally, this back and forth he had going with dear old dad.Spend a few weeks on earth, have some fun, return to hell. Over and over and over. Heaven got old, hell got old, even this pattern got old but earth? Earth was always changing. It was messy and exciting and alive in a way nothing else was and he was not one to miss the ride.

It wasn’t as long as he’d hoped by the time heaven noticed this wasn’t his typical visit, but the routine of it probably did give him a few extra days’ headstart. He always enjoyed this game with his brother, though he’d never admit it.It broke up the unrelenting pain and boredom of hell. This time, however, he had no plans to return to hell. He was done. Called it quits. Let someone else do the job for once. Now, thanks to a few well-placed favors, he was Lucifer Morningstar: permanent resident of the City of Angels, USA, Earth.

And then there was Delilah. He couldn’t just leave when it was his bloody fault she was gone. If he was never to see her again, he would at least avenge her and otherwise, well, he couldn’t risk seeing her in hell without at least bringing some form of consolation. It grated on him, that he would ruin even this, even something he was so good at: granting favors, indulging in pleasure; enjoying earth.He had an eternity to punish himself but first, he had to find the responsible party while they were still on earth. Heaven forbid he allow them to live out their life in peace, give them the opportunity to repent or justify their sin and maybe even enter heaven’s gates when they’d played a part in expediting that young woman’s tragic end.

So anyway, all this to say that when the Detective approached him in that all-business way of hers, with her careless ponytail that spoke of long hours and unending questions about his origins rather than the killer’s, he had little patience for her. In return, she granted him all the patience in the world and one day even acknowledged that she actually enjoyed his presence. He learned to rely on her and to be there for her. He’d never really thought to do that for anyone before and why would he? No one had ever been there for him.

—

Chloe, for her part, had waited for someone she could count on all her life.She’d been her Mother’s parent since she could remember and when Dad died, she had no stability or responsibility in her life at all.Dan was just that: stable and responsible. He wasn’t pushing her into things she didn’t want to do and he understood the importance of the work they did. He was an actual adult. So after Trixie, she spent 8 long years trying to make it work. But she couldn’t get through to him that she needed him  home , not away for months on an undercover assignment or another few nights on a stakeout or the third fucking overtime shift that week.But he made his choice and it wasn’t her.

When they finally separated, she’d told him, “I can’t do this on my own, Dan. I don’t need a bigger paycheck or another apology gift. I need a partner.”

Pierce, though, he was there for her.He was sensible and reliable and didn’t let any feelings get in the way of work. And for a moment, she allowed herself to think that might be enough. She thought about another 8 years like the years she’d had with Dan, and she knew that Pierce would still be there, helpful and understanding, balancing the job with trips to the beach and she didn’t have a reason to doubt him... except the feeling in the pit of her stomach whenever she caught Lucifer’s dark glassy eyes staring at her and watched him descend into some kind of desperate manic episode. But this was about Pierce. Stable, reliable... oh yeah  _ handsome _ Pierce. Until he pulled the rug out from under her and left her on her own again right when she needed him most. Because of course he did. Who hadn’t?

Lucifer... was  _ not _ stable. He was a shooting star, crashing into her at a million miles an hour, haphazardly leaving her in the dust when it suited him.He was wild and passionate and wholly unrepentant.He was a nightmare to work with but... somehow she wouldn’t have it any other way. She found herself increasingly reliant on this utterly irresponsible, selfish man so unlike anyone she’d ever considered as a potential partner - professional or otherwise.

But he genuinely cared about her and she didn’t have to worry about him lying to her. He was constantly learning from his experiences and growing. He wasn’t afraid to ask for help and really, he wasn’t afraid of anything except maybe his own feelings. The way he saw her surprised her sometimes with its tenderness and deeply hidden vulnerability, even though he’d never admit it. She understood the fear and caution; on some level, she could see he’d been burned before. But she didn’t know what she’d do without him so she just kept her distance and didn’t push him to open up anymore than he did naturally.She didn’t even consider, though, that that distance went both ways, and the more space she allowed between them, the more unwelcome and uncertain he felt.

—

Lucifer had carelessly ignored the blame so many seemed to want to assign him. He hated it and yet let it be for thousands of years. What the hell did he care what humans thought of him? The only thing that mattered was that Chloe was his partner and they trusted each other, no matter what.

Then she raised her gun and aimed him. She ordered her army of uniforms not to fire but still she kept her careful, worried gaze on him and he knew then that it was over. She didn’t trust him. One little suspicious death of his apparent enemy in his bar a few feet away from him and their whole partnership was put into question. He could accept the bitter truth that everyone throughout history blamed him for all their sins but the Detective? His partner, his friend, his—?

“It doesn’t matter what I believe,” she was saying.

Who the hell did she think she was?Of  course it mattered. Of course  _ she _ mattered. It wasn’t easy if the rest of the inhabitants of earth, heaven and hell believed he was evil, that he was to blame for every sin, mistake and vice, but he was used to it. He could accept it as long as he had her by his side. God himself couldn’t harm him if the Detective had his back. If she believed in him, maybe he really wasn’t so bad. But she turned on him just like that, fear and doubt and bloody judgment in her eyes.

“That’s all that matters, Detective,” he said before he realized all at once that it was true.

The fear on her face propelled him down a rapid spiral as he lowered his hands, provoked her officers and attempted suicide by cop. What did it matter? What was the bloody difference between hell and earth if he didn’t have her?

—

Lucifer was sitting at the bar when she walked in, and he seemed to be brooding. This was a rare sight. His usual mischievous glee was gone and he appeared to be drowning his demons in top shelf liquor.Metaphorically, of course, I guess you have to say that in this case with someone who calls himself the Devil.His shirt was crumpled and dirty, his hair mussed and when she rounded the corner and he finally turned to look at her, she saw his face was dirty and his eye was already starting to bruise.

“What the hell happened?”

He launched into a diatribe about guilt and blame in those metaphors of his that were guaranteed to bring headaches and eye rolls. So she was circling around him to settle in on the stool on his other side when her eye caught sight of blood pooling on his already sticky floors.

By the time she registered the body and could move her mouth to try to ask him about it, backup was streaming down the stairs. She saw the defeat in his eyes as he realized what she was reacting to. She couldn’t appear to have any bias because then she would look complicit and then... then she couldn’t help him.So she raised her gun at him and watched her partner’s faith in her visibly drain out of his face, affirming the pain she knew had been there all along with every word that fell angrily from his lips. She tried to assure him she didn’t believe he was guilty of this or any other mortal sin, but true to form, he would  not shut up.

He descended quickly, far too quickly, into a full blown suicidal panic, and she slowly realized how long he’d been on the edge. These officers didn’t know him as well as she did. They didn’t know what an absolutely insane, impulsive idiot he could be or that he would never in a million years hurt any of them or even the man lying dead in front of them for his own selfish purposes. They didn’t know how hurt he was under all that bravado and the good heart he hid with what he’d call “a good time.” Even now, she trusted him with everything but his own life, and that idea struck her like a freight train. He could, he would, he might  actually kill himself. And she wasn’t ready to lose him, especially not with him thinking she didn’t care. If he would just stop talking, stop panicking, and listen to her—

The shot rang out and her world imploded. Lucifer had actually gotten himself killed and she couldn’t stop it. She couldn’t talk him out of his own hysteria or convince a delusional man to listen to reason. She couldn’t save him from himself.

When she finally tore her gaze from the still-smoking gun to the empty space where she expected to see him fall, she was furious that he’d disappeared like some unhinged magician. Had this all been some kind of sick joke? Trying to get back at her or distract her as he escaped? She was angry he hadn’t listened and that he’d goaded her rookie into almost doing something he’d never be able to forget. She was angry about all the hurtful, untrue things he assumed about everyone and assumed they assumed about him. And she was overwhelmingly, devastatingly relieved. Lucifer was safe. That’s all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> Guys... I know.
> 
> I might write another chapter diverging from canon because 💔 but I haven’t decided if/how yet.


End file.
